as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
