walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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