I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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