Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
