Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
