that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
