everyone is single if you try hard enough
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
