I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
