How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
