whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
being pregnant is like rehab
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
