I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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