My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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