god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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