so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
