sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
