Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm gonna have a badass scar
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think I have vodka in my lungs
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
