I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
