i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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