buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
