Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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