we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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