i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
my liver is dry heaving
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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