Just took my morning after pill in the library
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
