Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
