Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
