yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
