she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
don't judge my taste in strippers
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
