So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
