maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
