video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
