He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
