HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
