I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
