The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
