so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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