you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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