oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
