I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
