The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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