just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
