I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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