Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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