I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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