can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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