Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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