Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
