She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
