I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
