He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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