I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
