This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
