I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
