these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just forgot I was standing up.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
