fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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