Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
