I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
