After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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