worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
