so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
