I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
