Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize