Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
